Dear Isaac
As I start to write this it is 11.09pm on Monday 6th September 2010. You are asleep upstairs in your cot. Daddy has gone to bed and Grandad has too. We've had a busy weekend, but I can't make myself tired or want to sleep just yet; my mind wanders back to this time last year.
About now I'd be waiting for the hospital staff to take me into the operating theatre to deliver you. My eyes sting thinking about it. It was all such a blur. I was so tired after hours of being in labour. I kept crying then too and thinking, just focus on this minute, one minute at a time. It hadn't even dawned on me that I'd get to meet you! My womb occupant of the previous 42 weeks. I knew you were in there and that you were coming out, but never in a million years did I dream that you'd be who you are.
11.21pm now, getting closer. As anyone can see, you've changed my life completely. Definitely for the better. I know, deep down in my soul that I couldn't ever be the person I was before I met you. I wouldn't want to either - I'd feel I'd rejected your lessons in patience, love, tolerance, forgiveness, awareness, letting go... the list goes on. You've encouraged me to be stronger and to stick to what I believe is right.
Enough about me on your birthday. You've learned so much in your first year. Only the other day I was showing you that things exist even if you can't see them and you already knew! Your Daddy and I are very proud of you. We are especially proud of how well you've coped with growing teeth. You are such a brave Little Man and barely make a fuss if you are hurt or take a bump.
11.32pm. I've just heard you on the monitor muttering something in your sleep; it's brought me out of my memories. Daddy and I love how you chatter away, even when you're doing something else that takes your concentration, you're such a happy little soul. You really do bring a ray of sunshine everywhere with you, even when you're asleep!
11.41pm. I'm nervous now, watching the seconds tick by.
11.41pm. I'm nervous now, watching the seconds tick by.
11.42pm. Here we are then, Isaac. Exactly one Gregorian calendar year since you breathed your first breath of atmosphere, since you sneezed and cried, since Daddy and I saw you and grinned like idiots.
Rest safe in the knowledge that Daddy and I will love you always because you are our son. Half me, half Daddy. We made you from scratch, just us, because we wanted you more than anything else.
Happy birthday darling. Here's to many more happy, wonderful, celebratory birthdays.
Love and so much more
Mummy
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You have brought tears to my eyes. Now you understand how Daddy and I felt about you and how Nanna and my Daddy felt about me. We are the fortunate ones who love our children and had them because we wanted them and they are more precious than anything to us. It is wonderful how you can put it into words.
ReplyDeleteOne day I want to publish your blog in book form. Something Isaac can cherish and will bring laughter and tears to many people. I'm proud of my daughter too and what a wondrful Mother she is.
Your words brought that night back so clearly to me. Worrying about you. Worrying about the baby that was not coming out as planned. Then sitting there on my own while you were in the operating theatre. Then the first cry and I just knew it had to be a boy. My grandson. Then they let me join you and Simon and meet my darling little bundle of joy and you let me hold him. I felt so priviledged. Those wonderful eyes gazed at me and I too fell in love with him. That first sneeze made him cry but he soon recovered from it and snuggled down in my arms. Then a second sneeze but no crying that time as you could see he had already realised there was nothing to cry about. Such a clever little boy.
May the joy and love last forever, my darling girl.
Mummy